Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am one with the molecules
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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