peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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