you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
