Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
