I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
