it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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