I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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