Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
