Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize