Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
