Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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