be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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