hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
