PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
