I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
