Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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