his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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