Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
