wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Houston, we have a blender
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
