Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
