If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
