Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
