I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am naked and annoyed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
