i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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