i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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