There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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