If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
