Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
