he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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