just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
