well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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