once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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