i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
