we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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