He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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