Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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