Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I forget how to act sober
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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