I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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