So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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