Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
