Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize