I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
