So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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