his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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