69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
