The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
