omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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