margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He passed out mid-signature
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
