I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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