It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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