Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
