wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i will never coherently bang her
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.