Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?