Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.