bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room