I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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