My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.