Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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