YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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