no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
