I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
