what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
