mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
