i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will be naked everywhere
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
