I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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