Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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