the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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