Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize