I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
