I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
