theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
