I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
