just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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