and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
