She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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