ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
