I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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